This is my passive aggressive apology to no one in particular, to try to make amends for doing things I didn’t do. This is my chance to practice peace instead of pretending to be strong. This is me trying to listen to the silence that screams from deep within, as I learn lessons from the prophets that will wash my karma clean like sage born from the breath of sages. This is how I hope to break down the ego form; by building bridges to the past where all grievances are lost in the eternal presence of the now. Future is only theory so we will not think to that. Evolution. This is me being better than I am naturally, and proof that I am older than I was the year before. This is my Mumbo Jumbo Vodum prayer played to a samba beat; a metaphysical spoken word publicly composed of private thoughts meant just for a special few. Her and Him and Him and Her and the one I’m yet to know. I loved you once and love you still, which is the way that word works. But I’m moving on and letting go, and calling you back . . . and hoping you will do the same. I’ve dreamt of you a lot; all bejeweled and four eyed, with your hair done up in a bun; all beautiful and plain, like the girl next door on some exotic tropic isle. I’ve seen you three seats in front of me on the bus smiling brightly like a child, and at Starbucks buying a Venti caramel blended cappuccino, and yesterday I swore you were lost looking for directions in my neighborhood. But it’s never you. It wasn’t you. And I promise who you saw wasn’t me. I don’t really know what I’m saying but I felt it needed to be said. This is my purging of the spirit, my flapping of my wings; this is me calling in the wilderness and my paperback wisdom reprise. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I am flawed. Sometimes I lose my way. I’m bending my will to be broken so that there will be peace within the pieces. Such a small little thing to do, with no real meaning to find, but it’s done and I did it, and I feel good inside.
