Complex Nature

I pray for clarity insight and wisdom. Let me see what pieces are yet to be fit, and give me glances into the complexity of the puzzle. Guide my actions and inform my mind. Temper my feelings until the time it is safe for them to ignite into flames. Let me be aware. Let me be present and allow me to see the dynamics moving behind the scenes. If this is your blessing then it will come. If you have weaved the pattern of the universe to bring me this, then it will be mine; and there will be tingling and kismet and Love; and my capacity to challenge and question and self compromise, will not change the end you have ordained. But is this your blessing? Is this your offering of good faith? So knowing of my inner being, that you would create such an intricate melding of dark and light that I could have both and either in the blink of an eye? Am I called to be courted by both a wholesome creature of daylight and a ravenous prince of night, to match the interworkings of my own complex nature; satisfying each, when each, needs nursing? Have you Spoiled me, like a sticky handed child granted his every desire, or will it resolve as the plot moves, to find itself winding wildly off path, and pulled powerfully to the darker fringes of the relationship? Will I loose the sweet creature of the day; corrupting his beautiful blue brown eyes with the hungers of the dark until I am left with the one I would not have chosen alone? Is this the danger? Or have I convoluted your generosity with judgment and fear of my pseudo-sinful nature? Can we have it all? Or must we sacrifice our deformed and twisted private thoughts for our perfect and pristine public wishes? Or perhaps this is just a bargaining chip . . . and I must stop engaging as if Love is all or nothing; as if humanity is complete in its structure.

Learn to stand in your power as a man, and begin to negotiate as an equal. Stop caring so much about everybody’s feelings, and be completely selfish in what you need. Ask. Demand. State clearly and concisely what you will, and will not do, once you find out what you will, and will not do. This is the year of achievement. This is the year of art and career. Broken hearts mend, and egos heal, but integrity must never be compromised. Just say it. The time of pining over someone else’s imagined perspective is over. If you are going to be someone else’s bitch, you should at least be able to negotiate the terms.